Dear Aphrodite and other funny shorts
by Serylis
Summary: This is just some funny things that a friend and I wrote. Please read!!! I promise you might find them funny!! And kudos to all those who figure them all out!!
1. Default Chapter

Author's Notes: This is a little dribble thing that me and my friend wrote for a project that I had to do for Humanities when we read the Odyssey. It's just a little thing, but can you figure out who each thing is about???  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything in this story. Thats it, but I do own the newspaper I wrote it for!! (That was what my project was!)  
  
On with the story thing!!  
~^v^~  
  
Dear Aphrodite,  
My husband and I have never had a happily ever after marriage, but lately I fing myself seriously resenting the distance between us. For years I have tried to turn a blind eye upon his affairs, but lately it has become a problem. I am a prominent figure in my society, and many women look to me for guidance in their own marriages. I have made every effert to discourage him from his affairs, everything from turning them into animals to killing them point blank, but nothing seems to deter him. Another thing bothering me is the jelousy and hate I have directed towards his illegitimate children. Do I have a right to feel this way?? Dear Aphrodite, please HELP!  
Maritally Confused  
  
Dear Maritally Confused,  
While you have every right to be jelous of the women that you're husband has ceated on you with, you do not need to direct such hate towards your husband, (or his children, for they are the innocents in this case and had nothing to do with your husbands loose ways). The question that you, Maritally Confused, need to ask yourself is, "What have I not contributed to this marriage, to my husband, to make this union work? What do I have to give my husband to convince him to remain faithful to me?" To be a better wife, and companion, trust him. And remember think not of his short comings but of yours, that is the best way to treat this situation. But my best advice to you is to take a few lovers yourself, it's fun and exciting.  
Your Concerned Love Goddess,  
Aphrodite  
  
***  
  
Dear Aphrodite,  
I am writing you this letter because you know the matters of the heart, please direct mine. My husband has been seperated from me for twenty years. My people, and even my mind, tell me tat I am a widdow, and that my dear husband is lost to me. Unwanted men have invaded my house, and are pursuing me forcefully, and demanding that I take one of them as my husband and into my bed. But I am worried for my son as well, born just after my husband left to do battle on the Trojan Fields. He is turning into a man (the spitting image of his father), but has found himself helpless when it comes to th pushy suitors who have taken over out home. They plot to kill my son, thinking the only thing stopping me from marrying is him. Everybody says to move on and to chose a husband, but I am already married, I feel that he will return, but am starting to lose hope. Dearest Aphrodite, advise me in this matter!  
Suitorly Confused  
  
Dear Suiorly Confused,  
If you feel that your husband will return, trust your gut and don't marry again. It seems as if you really love thismook, but only Zeus knows why. You haven't heard a word from him in 20 years, not even a message from the gods. So pull your hubby out of the kern, he's done! While your making over your life, take a piece of cake from the feast of suitors, they all seem to want to make you happy, As for worrying about your son... he seems a little old to be living at home. The kindest thing you could do for him is to kick baby bird out of the nest, this way you don't have to worry about him being killed by the suitors! Just take my advice darling, drink the nectar of life and get rid of the old ball and chain.  
Your Concerned Love Goddess,  
Aphrodite  
  
***  
  
~Personals~  
Searching For a Teriffic Trojan  
Young married blonde in search of strong Trojan prince, balck sheep of the family, who doesn't mind long sea voyages and starting wars.  
  
No Man Wanted  
Gentle, blind cyclops hoping to find a single companion who enjoys sheepherding and has a compasionate soul with a need for vengance. A strong objection to wine as an entertainment use is a must.  
  
Heavenly Voices  
Single winged women in search of male companions in search of knowledge. Ideal companions need to loke to be sung to...sleep. (In large FULL boats preferably).  
  
Father Figure Needed  
Young Ithacan prince in need of a father figure to help grieving mother through hard times. An aversion to killing me would be a plus.  
  
Lone Maiden  
Sea wich in search of a strong male companion, no preferance on marital status. If married a wilingness to forget wife, child and country is a must.  
  
On...Last...Leg  
Faithful hunting dog in search of long loft master. He enjoyed taking me places and scratching my ears; please return home asap.  
  
~^v^~  
A/N: So??? Can you figure them out??? Please review!! 


	2. To all those who reviewed

A/N: This is not an update, this is just a little something from me. I have not written anymore of the little 'Dear Aphrodite's' or anymote personals because I havent had to. We are done with that unit anyways. Anyhoo...  
  
In answer to those who reviewed (All two of you!!):  
  
/b  
Sorry about the spelling mistakes!! I was not thinking when I posted it, so I spaced the whole spell check thing. I'm glad that you understood it!!  
  
/b  
Well, lets see...  
  
"Maritally Confused" is right...  
"Suitorly Confused" is right...  
"Searching for a Teriffic Trojan" is right...  
"No Man Wanted" is correct...  
You got "Father Figure Needed" right...  
i"Lone Maiden" NOPE, try again!!/i  
and "On...Last...Leg" is correct!  
  
I'm glad this made you think!!! 


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